Maurice Newman

Bradley Trevor Greive

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“Honoured guests, fellow Governors and Patrons, Thirsty souls,

It is a genuine pleasure to channel my disembodied voice past the well-formed tonsils of our illustrious Foundation Chairman. Nevertheless, I deeply regret not being on the fashionable side of the Pacific to partake in this evening’s luminous throb. The Taronga Foundation’s 10th anniversary is a truly special occasion, a defining moment wholly worthy of state, national and indeed global recognition … and of course there are few things more endearing and amusing than tipsy Zoophiles.

I am desperately proud to have been present at The Foundation’s immaculate inception, but I feel doubly honoured for having been able to enjoy the company of my fellow Governors and Patrons along the way – What a dashing and dynamic, well-shod group we make – Such creative, accomplished and generous benefactors are almost as rare these days as many of the precious creatures whose vital cause we champion.

Now fully realised as The Taronga Conservation Society of Australia, Taronga Zoo has come a very long way – From the bare minimum that a civilized society could accept, to a noble institution of profound and increasing global importance and an object of un-muffled international envy.

Much else has changed since the Taronga Foundation was formed. The environmental, financial and political challenges we face have escalated, but our commitment, benevolence and enduring resolve has more than kept pace, thanks, in large part, to a sound strategy and tremendous leadership.

I cannot stress enough how much I admire, nay revere, the firm-loined gentleman gifting sonorous voice to my exquisitely crafted remarks.

I wholeheartedly applaud the commanding silhouettes and winning smiles of Len Bleasel, Cameron Kerr, Matt Fuller, Cameron Mowat, Linda Newton, Simon Duffy, Paul Maguire, Hayley Holloway, Richard Morecroft, and every current and previous member of the Zoological Parks Board and TCSA team who  have fulfilled the promises we made, and have helped us achieve more in this, our tenth year, than any reasonable person could have imagined.

I am supremely grateful to the NSW Government Ministers and Staffers who, throughout a decade featuring spasms of political turmoil that history will no doubt declare a flummery of ineptitude, did not lose sight of humanity’s obligation to set and achieve ambitious wildlife conservation and education goals.

The simple truth is that we have been able to inspire others because we were first, ourselves, inspired. So it is also appropriate, on an occasion such as this, to make special mention of some of those early believers whose tireless endeavours shaped the cornerstone of our vision and paved the way for our success, namely: Bob Debus, Michael Egan, Julie Brown, Shanthini Naidoo, and the late John Kelly.

And of course, where on God’s green, blue and ecru earth would we be without Guy Cooper? Sure, our resident silverback, Kibabu, may have been a marginally more physical lover – at least in public – during his prime – but no human being has given greater service to this noble institution than Australia’s Father of The Year.

Furthermore, The Zoo’s recent Directorial transition has been flawless. Yes, we lost a slim-hipped tango dancer of great renown, but we gained a fearless dawn surfer. In short, the TCSA continues to be in secure and perversely energetic hands as we approach our glittering centenary.

As I travel the world, meeting with our conservation partners and walking the wild verge, it is painfully clear there is much to be done. Make no mistake, a great and empty darkness gathers itself just beyond the horizon. However, for the Taronga Foundation at least and, most importantly, the unique and wondrous creatures we have pledged to save, the future is bright with hope. And this bright light, this same wonderful light we see reflected on the face of every child that comes to Taronga Zoo and Taronga Western Plains Zoo, is a living legacy we can all be proud of.

After years of happy philanthropic moil I still can’t honestly tell you why the Taronga Foundation has done so well. In the 3,652 days since we came into being I have seem bigger and smaller charitable entities of equal virtue struggle under less difficult circumstances than ours. Thus I can only assume that it is the innate, organic chemistry of the Patrons and Governors, our supporters and the TCSA faculty that makes all the difference.

And so, tonight, I close my astral address by saluting the unholy yet blessed alchemy of our mortal union, collective will and the righteous passion of our excruciatingly critical cause.

To each and every one of you, from the most belligerent anchor of industrial might, to the friskiest Harbour City nymph, I thank you all for giving the best of yourself to the Taronga Foundation and for being, and for continuing to be, charismatic champions of compassionate capitalism.

Naked primates, if you will, please join my handsome flesh-puppet and dear friend, Mr Maurice Newman, and raise your glasses for a rousing toast…

To us – To life on earth – To the Taronga Foundation!”

Bradley Trevor Greive
September 1st,  2010.

Pathi Harn (whose name means ‘Miracle’ in Thai), a true miracle elephant baby born at Taronga Zoo and a very precious part of the Asian Elephant breeding and conservation program funded by the Taronga Foundation.

To find out more about The Taronga Foundation

or make a donation, click here

Book of Odds reporter Zachary Turpin recently sat down with Bradley Trevor Greive—author of Why Dogs Are Better than Cats—on a sunny beach on the Tasman Sea and discussed, over smoked salmon and vodka gimlets, what it is that makes canines so special to us.

OK, almost none of that happened. The interview was, in fact, conducted by email. Mr. Greive (who really does live in Tasmania) was still as thoughtful and forthcoming as one could hope for.

Have you always been a dog person?

Yes, I suppose I have always been a dog lover, but I can honestly say I like both cats and dogs. But whilst I can acknowledge that cats are fascinating animals I would no more have a cat as a pet than say, a sea otter, an emu, or a bat. Dogs and humans forged a unique and enduring friendship some 15,000 years ago—this curiously wonderful partnership has become synonymous with the advancement of civilization and the celebration of our finest virtues. Dogs have helped us explore our world, put food on our tables, care for our farms, protect our homes; rescued our loved ones, and stopped postal workers from becoming fat and complacent.

Dogs won the title of “Man’s Best Friend” over all living creatures, not just cats, and I defy anyone to question a dog’s loyalty, courage, affection, empathy, and unfettered butt-wagging sense of joy. When it comes to pets, nothing comes close to the love of a good dog.

What do dogs have that cats don’t?

The list is far too long to repeat here, but far greater intelligence and sociability for starters. There’s really no comparison: a dog is a true animal companion, whereas cats are, by and large, sociopathic, semi-vegetative fluff-balls.

Cats are cute, I’ll grant you that, but as pets they are basically plush toys with bad attitudes. There are some people who, for reasons of limited time, space, income, mobility, intelligence, and possibly self-respect, are better off choosing a cat—but I feel sorry for them. Compared to a dog, having a cat in your home is like listening to elevator music: vaguely irritating but perhaps better than nothing. Cats don’t even want to be pets—that’s why you have to lock them inside the house all of the time. Having a cat is like keeping it hostage and hoping that at some stage Stockholm Syndrome will kick in.

Cats are solitary predators and want to be out hunting—hunting and killing are always on their fiendish little minds and every game they play is a rehearsal for delicious murder. Whereas dogs truly share your home and see you as family, to a cat your home is either a prison or just a safe, warm cave where threats are low and food and water are plentiful.

Cats are like Hollywood socialites—they just want to be noticed and can survive indefinitely on air-kisses and the odd salmon canapé.

You tie the rising cat population to the collapse of civilization. Can you elaborate?

Look around you—cat population numbers are climbing faster than a singed gibbon. There are now more than 200 million more pet cats than dogs in the world today—20 million more pet cats than dogs just in the USA alone! Cats are breeding machines, much like rabbits, mice, and Marlon Brando: in just a few years, two healthy cats and their subsequent offspring can bring more than 500,000 sofa-scratchers into the world. It’s only a matter of time before the whole planet is smothered by cats and we find ourselves buried beneath a mewling funereal shroud.

In just the last 30 years cat numbers have doubled in the UK alone—now ask yourself, what has happened to humanity during that time: kids are getting fatter, divorce rates are sky-rocketing, hate crimes are on the rise, armed conflict is escalating all over the planet, and don’t even get me started on reality television.

Is there anything to be said for felines, or are they basically a wash?

Cats are undeniably attractive and soft to the touch, and as such they benefit greatly from what is known as “Supermodel Syndrome,” which is where we give beautiful creatures far too much credit. Nevertheless, being slim-hipped and aloof is no indication of intelligence, and if it were, Paris Hilton would be a certified genius. The truth is, there’s not a whole lot going on behind those glittering eyes—indeed the only domestic creature with greater claim to idiocy is a person who vehemently defends cat intelligence.

If the best and worst thing about dogs is that they love too much, and thus put themselves at risk of abuse—then conversely the best and worst thing about cats is that they just don’t care. This can obviously lead to pained levels of disappointment, especially if you acquire a cat and hope for the kind of active and intelligent engagement that you can only have with a dog.

However, in some instances, such as when a person has only enough time, space, and energy to engage with say, a goldfish, a sock puppet, or a Chia Pet, having a supremely ambivalent cat in their home is a big plus. Cats are quite low maintenance, mostly quiet, and relatively clean pets—perfect for soulless city living.

Do you think people are flexible in their love of cats or dogs—open to discussion, willing to change sides, to love both—or are they as one-sided and bitterly unbending in the dog/cat debate as they are about, say, politics or sports?

Hmmm, well, the gigantic sacks of poorly punctuated hate-mail and death threats I’ve received over the past 12 months tend to indicate a certain level of humorless fanaticism. But, considering that these threats come from sedentary types in oversized elastic-waisted pants, I’m not too worried. To some degree your pet choice represents a living extension of yourself, so it’s bound to get personal and, in some cases, highly irrational.

Tell me about writing Why Dogs Are Better than Cats.

It’s the funniest book I’ve ever written, and also the most beautiful—the photographs by Rachael Hale and the design by Gayna Murphy are simply dazzling and, to be blunt, I’m immodestly proud of it. I actually came up with the premise when I was in hospital having my knee and shoulder rebuilt for the umpteenth time—the title itself was enough to make me laugh out aloud and then off I went. I spent much of the next few months stuck in bed, which was the perfect opportunity to devour a library of information on cats and dogs, and after that the book basically wrote itself. Why Dogs Are Better than Cats is obviously tongue in cheek—but at its essence it has two serious goals:

First, to champion the many virtues unique to dogs that seem to be overlooked by most of us.

Second, to celebrate the differences between cats and dogs and thus, hopefully, save the lives of millions of cats. Last year alone some ten million dogs and cats ended up in American pet shelters. Half of these never found a new home and thus, after a fearful period of uncertainty, were put to sleep—the great majority were cats. In some places the euthanasia ratio for cats to dogs was as high as ten to one.

People need to choose a cat as a pet because they really love cats, in spite of or, better still, because of all the weird and wonderful things cats do. Cats and dogs may be equally wonderful creatures in the sight of God, but the notion of pet parity is a perverse falsehood pushed on us by pet food manufacturers and pet supply stores who don’t care what animal we have in our lives as long as we buy lots of stuff. A cat is not a cheaper, smaller, quieter, safer version of a dog—it is a supremely different and unique animal. Let knowledge and compassion define your pet choice, not fetid apathy.

What are the benefits of a shelter dog?

First of all, dog shelters are a great place to start your search for a new dog simply because there are always so many different dogs to look at—all ages, all sizes, and every possible breed combination. Plus, every shelter dog will have had a vet check and been washed, wormed and neutered—so that makes life easier too. Finally, and this is the bottom line: when you take home a dog from a shelter, you not only get a new best friend, you save a life.

You have 30 seconds to convey to alien abductors that dogs are better than cats, after which you may be vaporized, you human scum. What do you do?

Showing supreme sincerity and humility, I would get down on my knees and say, “Cats are by far the best thing this pathetic planet has to offer—please, I beg you, help yourself, take all you want, stuff as many cats into your space ship as you can, and then leave us in peace!”

If people want to learn more about you and your books, where should they go?

Well, you can simply go to my website, www.btgstudios.com. You can also follow me on Facebook and on Twitter Any more exposure to me than this would go against the Surgeon General’s recommendations.

For more from the Book of Odds click here

Come join art lovers and PDC members for a wonderful evening in this beautiful heritage building. There will be great music, and canapés and drinks served for the duration of the evening.

BTG has donated six original artworks (felt on canvas) and several signed copies of his latest book. All monies raised will go to support the vital painted dog conservation work in Zimbabwe, Zambia and Namibia.

Tickets are limited, so call Angela on 08 9455 6073, or email: lemonj@ozemail.com.au today to ensure your seat.

For media details call PDC Chairman, John Lemon, on 0418 934 975

To hear more about this wonderful cause you can tune in to 6PR 882 News Talk at 9:05pm (WST) on Monday the 19th of April to hear BTG chatting with Graham Mabury about this and other really interesting stuff.

http://www.6pr.com.au/shows/nightline

Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words when things have gone horribly wrong, or been left speechless when an outcome has exceeded your wildest expectations?

Don’t let these pivotal encounters leave you looking slack-jawed and stupid – Don’t dredge up a decent retort or winning compliment 20 minutes after the moment has passed – New York Times Best-Selling Author, Bradley Trevor Greive (BTG), has exactly what you need!

BTG proudly presents his new range of free Twitter Curses and Twitter Blessings, a growing library of potent and pithy utterances with which you can smite your enemies and heap praise upon the worthy.

http://twitter.com/BradleyTGreive

• Unable to articulate your wrath? Then feel free to dish out BTG’s devastating Twitter Curses, including such classics as:

Twitter Curse #38:
May people pretend to like you in order to spend time with your pets.
Twitter Curse #11
May all the dairy items in your fridge be of questionable vintage.
Twitter Curse #35:
May your name feature prominently in public restroom graffiti.
Twitter Curse #10:
May you trip over a guide dog.
Twitter Curse #24:
May your pubic hair grow at an alarming rate.
Twitter Curse #21:
May your sexuality become a popular topic of workplace conversation.
Twitter Curses #1:
May your inquisitive orthodontist have the morning breath of a thousand apes.
Twitter Curse #25:
May dolphins spit upon your sandals.

• So overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that you are left tongue-tied? Then dip into BTG’s treasure trove of Twitter Blessings, including such gems as:

Twitter Blessing #5:
May your excuses for avoiding tedious social engagements always sound credible.
Twitter Blessing #15:
May your love-handles be easily concealed.
Twitter Blessing #11:
May you receive an uninhibited sponge-bath.
Twitter Blessing #6:
May you appear slightly more attractive in photographs than in real life.
Twitter Blessing #3:
May your foul elevator odours always be attributed to other people.
Twitter Blessing #7:
May you find forgotten chocolate in your fridge during a difficult time.
Twitter Blessing #4:
May your new business cards give a false impression of success.
Twitter Blessing #2:
May your neighbour’s rooster have a sore throat.
Twitter Blessing #12:
May you woo your lover at a picnic by winning the trust of wild animals.

To sign up for  BTG’s Twitter Blessings and Twitter Curses join me on Twitter here

It’s easy and it’s free!

"Tweet Softly & Carry a Big Stick"

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]]> http://btgstudios.com/bradley-trevor-greive-has-transformed-twitter/feed/ 2 http://btgstudios.com/farewell-mooshir/ http://btgstudios.com/farewell-mooshir/#comments Mon, 12 Apr 2010 05:43:11 +0000 Kim http://btgstudios.com/?p=1679 Since 2004 I have donated 10% of all my Russia book royalties to sponsor the Kamchatkan Brown Bears at Moscow Zoo and the in-situ conservation of these great bears in the wild.

A couple of days ago Mooshir, the 28 year old male, passed away peacefully (28 is extremely old for a big bear). Mooshir will be missed by all who knew him, especially his 18 year old best friend, Rosa.

Rest in peace, big fella.

Mooshir was huge – a truly big bear. Polar bears might be taller, but Kamchatkan Brown Bears, like their Kodiak Cousins, are the true heavyweight heart-throbs of the bear world.
Mooshir was also smart and loved to wave to the crowds, and splash around his swimming pool during warmer weather. Not surprisingly he was a big favourite at Moscow zoo with both staff and visitors alike.

Happier days.
Mooshir (on the right), laying a big wet, furry, smooch on his sexy girlfriend, Rosa

Good bye, Mooshir.
Good bye, Great Bear of the East.
We will miss you!

]]> http://btgstudios.com/farewell-mooshir/feed/ 0 http://btgstudios.com/btg-talks-to-the-australian-financial-review/ http://btgstudios.com/btg-talks-to-the-australian-financial-review/#comments Fri, 09 Apr 2010 05:07:45 +0000 Kim http://btgstudios.com/?p=1675

Now celebrating it’s 10th Anniversary after 20 million copies sold in 115 different countries, a recent feature article in The Sunday Telegraph, Australia’s highest selling weekend newspaper confirms The Blue Day Book’ status as a modern classic by declaring it one of the top ten self-help books in print.

Eloise King writes – “It’s packed with poignant pictures of expressive animals accompanied by thought provoking captions. Each page reminds us that our feelings of failure, sadness and loss are not unique. Even if you’re not an animal person it would be hard not to get emotional reading this book”

See the article here

Buy your copy here